Let me be your everlasting light.

"Let me be your everlasting light
A train going away from pain
Love is the coal
That makes this train roll
Let me be your everlasting light"
                The Black Keys - "Everlasting Light"

A playlist I'm currently enjoying the hell out of...erm...um..."a playlist out of which I am currently enjoying the Hell"(???):

1. The Black Keys - Everlasting Light
2. The White Stripes - Black Math
3. Vampire Weekend - Holiday
4. The Unicorns - Jellybones
5. TV On The Radio - I Was A Lover
6. The New Pornographers - The Slow Descent Into Alcoholism
7. Modest Mouse - Heart Cooks Brain
8. My Morning Jacket - Off the Record
9. Panda Bear - Bros
10. Titus Andronicus - My Time Outside the Womb
11. Wolf Parade - Grounds For Divorce
12. Against Me! - Walking Is Still Honest
13. Liars - The Other Side of Mt. Heart Attack

*

Man...let me be your everlasting light. I am awfully happy to be alive right now. Got some sunshine today. Has been a good week all the way around. Back hurting less. Watching Murray v. Ferrer in Australian Open semis. Murray was playing like shit for a while there but he's come around at this point.

This is a good thing.

Have written little bits of poetry here and there lately. Wanna read some? No? Okay, here it is anyhow:


Trudge through the downpour or
Skip through the shower -
The view is up to you.
Whether the glass is
Half-empty/Half-full
The point is to see
There's a glass there at all.

A light yet remains,
We are not yet the doomed.

To find holy beauty in
one simple kiss. To see
I am not yet consigned to the grave.
To think how I could have been
dead long ago--yet life's but a dream
So onward I row.

*

Sitting backwards on the train
the sights retreating from me
Last night dreamt
excessive injections
So waking was the track on which
I fled those bitter longings

*

There's a sign outside of a church in North Portland that currently reads, "Trouble with infertility?" followed by information on an upcoming lecture for couples. This served as a catalyst for a wonderful short story idea.

However, it just occurred to me that rather than tell you about the idea for the story...I'm just gonna write the damn story. Good thinking, no?

Hope all is well with you, whoever you are.

Rosswell

Some old poems, some old madness.

So. Bored, 2:34am, feel like posting some old stuff -- so here are a few older things...like 8+ years old. Not necessarily the most family-friendly stuff I've ever written, mais c'est la vie, non?
Enjoy.

And this is how things are going...

Tonight the cat was knocking shit over
so I go to the table and look underneath and
she's calmly chewing on something.
A chunk of whatever it is sits on the floor before her,
    it looks like a french fry,
I reach to pick it up to throw it away
    and it squishes like a rotting maggot
and just then she vomits another
    french fry looking thing onto the floor.

The cat vomit seemed like a pretty good metaphor for my life as of late.

12-5-02
12:27 a.m.

"yeah well, i turn to..."

yeah well--i turn to
                                    the queer
                   &said(pointblank)

"yr life the style
         yr life's style--thereof--
empty/lonely                         PointlessPointless."

realized mirror acknowledged mirror I was staring in
                 was mirror a mirror
                                  a mirror

I am pointless am empty
         am pointless am lonely

Ah, to love a boy to love sincere
          to love to lose
will lose, cannot not lose

cannot not not--

triply negative,
                 like my outlook,

Being a pessimist is a good way to avoid
       ever truly loving anyone.

9-3-02

the title is "untitled"

Once (years back)
       I turned to my friend
said "drugs are so fucked up"     ...

          ... "how much they control you?"

he finished

how much control
    they control
they control you.

My name is Ross and I'm an addict.
12step my way to salvation
                               OR
inject my way to Hell
And I'd panic my way along either path.

Where do you go when here and there are equally dismal options?
What do you do when you're too sad for sober yet dread every drug?

I'm in a horrible fucking place here,
I'm a queer atheist junky!

So where the fuck to go now?

9-29-02

puddles, trees

so today I awoke
    orchid in head
and gave it all away.

The "all" being
    my grip on the here,
any thought of the now,

    trees Feel.
Chainsaws roar through the awareness of leaves,

puddlejumping in branches waving shade
    in the oil and cum of the street,

leaping in splashing down the block
    from the catastrophe of
white trash eyeing my innocence
    pretended for show

Eye through plight of falling forest,
    I give this away,
Flower in mind withers, decays,
    Puddles soak through to my skin beneath denim.

7-31-02

Down II

Cigarette explodes in a plume of orange glitter
    on the highway behind me
                   (litterbug, firebug)
And I drive on, watch for deer,
    aimless and gutless
humming "I dream of jeannie"

Five months ago I slit my wrists
    and my mind inside
          exploded in a plume of orange glitter

And I moved on.
    gutless then as now
Aimless and gutless
    I dreamt of tsunami...

Oh, the places we end up
    when we lose our grip and plummet upward
and then crash back down
    with the ear-shattering velocity
of a stone through the sky.

Five months ago I choked down 60 pills
    looked through a haze to see me,
            and now I am left with a head full of monsters and screams.

There is a place in my mind inside
    where all the nightmares come true
And the warmth I once felt
    is a plume of orange glitter.

8-11-02

Down

"So how long you been down?"
Her patient eye took in my vein
She smelled on me the Montana glory
of a season of rehab and sun

"Got a shot set right here"
And her fingers like icicles
came clutching my arm,
like a popsicle, an otter pop,
Frozen skin soaked in need.

"Just one hit won't hurt..."
And she peeled back my flesh
exposing an artery
    then stuck deep
and the rush...

"You know it's a dream"
And I woke with a start
    to the scent of my demon
gone crashing through the sky,
her ever-starved cackle wafting back on the breeze.

*

That's probably more than enough, eh?


Love & Sushi-Scented Kisses,
Rosswell

Things I love.

I love Animal Collective.
I love my friends.
I love my Mom.
I love my nieces.
I love my family in general.
I love Chaela at Quest.
I love Subway. I just do, okay?
I love riding the MAX.
I love the rain.
I love the feeling when you take your socks and shoes off and crawl into bed after a long day.
I love myself. Sometimes.
I love Danielle. I miss Danielle. I need my Danielle back.
I love my iPod.
I love love.

2011 = all about the love.

For realz, yo.


Rosswell